Dexter's Laboratory: Sailor Loon
by Joe Fenton
Summary: Dee Dee has been watching too much anime. Now she's fighting for Love and Justice against the forces of the Negaverse. Will she save Dexter's Lab, or destroy it?
1. Zero To Hero

Dexter's Laboratory is copyright (C)1996 by Hanna-Barbera Productions and Cartoon Network.  
Sailor Moon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko and some other folks such as D.I.C. and Cloverway.

http://www.geocities.com/jlfenton65/  
jlfenton65@yahoo.com

I don't own Dexter's Laboratory, I didn't make the characters, and I'm not trying to make money on this, so please don't sue me. Ditto for Sailor Moon.

Many thanks to my pre-reader, Ben Oliver.

Author's Notes: This is a typical Dexter's Lab style parody. Do not email me saying I have the names or uniforms wrong or any such nonsense. This isn't supposed to be accurate. Think of the episode "Mock 5" for an idea of what I am writing here. That episode is my favorite incidentally.

Dexter's Laboratory: Sailor Loon

by Joe Fenton

Chapter 1: Zero To Hero

Dee Dee sat in front of the TV as she did each afternoon following school. Her attention was focused solely on the cartoon as she hugged her legs, staring intently at the unfolding drama.

Sailor Moon approached the new Sailor Scout with long blond hair. "Are you the princess?"

Dee Dee's eye grew to the size of saucers as she leaned forward and pressed her head against the picture tube.

Sailor Venus smiled and shook her head. "No, I'm just a Scout like you, here to protect the princess."

Dee Dee sprang into the air, arms out wide as she let out a shriek, "aaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!!" She raced up the stairs to Dexter's room. The door fell off its hinges as she slammed through it. She made a quick pirouette and leapt onto the circular rug, which dropped her into a tube serving as one of the various entrances to the lab.

Dexter stared intently into the ocular image enhancer. The adjustments he was making to the isolinear optic processor chip were very delicate. His tense mood was evident as he talked to himself, "Gently... this is very _delicate_ and _fragile_... just _one_ more modification..."

Dee Dee popped up over his shoulder. "Oh! Dexter, Dexter! I wish - maybe you - I'll just _die_ if you can't!"

Dexter jumped a foot as the chip snapped in half. Dexter gave the destroyed circuit a horrified look. "My isolinear optical processor chip! It is _ruined_!!" He growled at his ditsy sister. "Just what are you doing in my laboratory, woman?!"

Dee Dee grabbed him with one arm, holding him in a bear hug. She gestured expansively with the other. "You have to make me a Moon Princess!! I want to fight for Love! And Justice! Oh!! You just gotta..."

Dexter pried himself loose from her grasp. "I have no time for this nonsense!" He waved his hands in a shoo-ing gesture. "Go play somewhere else. I have _much_ work to accomplish in the time remaining before we consume the evening repast Mom so lovingly prepares."

Dee Dee rolled her eyes and reached over work counter. She nudged a test tube until it slipped off the counter and shattered on the floor.

"Hey! Hey! What do you think you are doing?!" Dexter waved his fist in the air, trying to assume a commanding appearance. It would have worked better if he were more than two feet tall.

Dee Dee looked away, assuming an air of innocence. "_Noooooothing_!" She nudged another test tube, with similar results.

Dexter grabbed a handful of his hair. "Stop! You are _ruining_ my experiment!"

Dee Dee leapt away with a titter. Equipment started to overload and explode as she randomly pressed buttons on the control panels. Before the smoke from one disaster had cleared, she was off to create another.

Dexter watched in mounting horror. "No! Do not press that! Ahhhh!!! Not my synchotronic aural reverberator!" He had to stop this before his whole lab was destroyed! "STOP!!!!"

Dee Dee stopped in mid-stride. "Yeeessss Dexter?"

Dexter put a hand over his face. "I cannot believe I am actually doing this." He addressed his sister, "If I make you a _stupid_ Moon Princess, will get out of my laboratory and leave me in peace?"

Dee Dee gathered Dexter up and held him at arms length off the ground. "Of course! Then I'd be out fighting the Evil Forces of the Negaverse!" She swung him around a few times.

Dexter swatted at her hands in a futile effort to disengage them. "Okay, okay! Put me down!"

Dee Dee promptly released him. Unfortunately, she forgot to stop swinging him around first. Dexter flew off to the side before a conveniently placed parts bin halted his progress.

Brushing himself off, Dexter stomped over to the main computer console, muttering under his breath. He cleared his voice. "Computer. Correlate all information on the subject: _Moon_ Princess."

The computer churned through countless files as it examined every episode of the cartoon. Secondary displays showed diagrams of various Sailor Scouts and transformation devices. "Dexter, all information on the subject 'Moon Princess' has been analyzed." The primary display resolved into a blank figure in a leotard and short skirt, with two hair balls and long tails dangling. It magnified the center of the chest and highlighted the brooch. "The Moon Princess is the possessor of the Silver Imperium Crystal."

Dexter adjusted his glasses absently. "Very good, Computer. Now, please fabricate this Silver Imperium Crystal with the matter transduction unit."

A brilliant white light sprang into being in the center of a large chamber. Dee Dee watched in mounting anticipation as an object slowly resolved itself inside the light. As it came more clearly into view, Dee Dee's smile grew wider. The light faded, leaving a brooch with a large crystal embedded in it.

Dee Dee could no longer hold back. "aaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhh!!!" She snatched the crystal from Dexter as he removed it from the chamber, then caught him in a stranglehold. "Oh!!! Thank you, Dexter! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you..."

Dexter was nearly purple before Dee Dee finally released him. He sat insensate as he tried to recover from the hug.

Dee Dee gritted her teeth, her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth as she pinned the brooch to the top of her ballet outfit. She placed one hand over the brooch and raised the other high. "MOON! PRISM! POWER!!!"

Dee Dee slowly lifted off the ground as a bright light surrounded her. Her leotard changed to white, while the tutu formed into pleats. Pink bows grew at the back of the outfit and from around the brooch. A pink choker with a gold crescent moon formed around her neck, and a gold tiara with a red gem formed around her forehead. White, elbow-length gloves sprang into being. Her twin, up-swept ponytails undid themselves, then reformed into hair balls with trailing tails. Red gems appeared in each of the balls.

Dexter was distracted from the transformation sequence by the corny music the computer was playing. "Computer! What is that infernal racket emanating from the audio waveform replicators?!"

The computer sounded almost apologetic. "I'm sorry, Dexter. File analysis indicated that the Sailor Scout Transformation Sequence be accompanied by the appropriate background music."

The light faded as Dee Dee slowly floated back down and assumed the Passe Releve position. She then took a pose straight from the cartoon. "Beware, evil-doers! I am the champion of Love and Justice, Sailor-D! In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"

Dexter slapped a hand over his face as he groaned, "The lengths to which I go for a little _peace_ and _quiet_..." He stomped over to the ludicrously, er, _heroically_ posed girl and pushed her towards the exit. "Yeah, yeah! Go fight for _Love_ and _Justice_ somewhere else!"

Dee Dee swiveled her head back and forth. "Wait! I sense _Evil_ from the _Negaverse_!"

Dexter kept pushing, but was no longer making any headway. "You are _obviously_ mistaken. My laboratory is equipped with the most _modern_ and _advanced_ sensing and early detection devices. It is patently impossible that anyone could enter without my express approval." He conveniently ignored the fact that Dee Dee had nearly free access to the lab at all hours.

A small explosion of smoke occurred in the lab. As the smoke cleared, Dexter's arch-nemesis Mandark could be discerned.

He raised his arms; one hand assumed a claw-like form as the other clutched a gun of some kind. "HA, HA HA! HA, HA HA, HA HA! With my new Matter Transmogrifier Gun, I can transform ordinary objects into _monsters_! They'll drain all the power from Dexter's Lab to power my new secret weapon to take over the world! HA, HA HA! HA, HA HA, HA HA!"

Mandark pointed the gun at a near-by mousebot. One zap transformed the small, rodent-like robot into a large, deformed monster. It roared and stuck a hand toward a nearby bank of machinery. A spark of electricity quickly turned to large bolts as the energy was stripped from the rapidly melting devices.

Dexter slapped his hands to either side of his face in horror. "AH!! My mousebot!" He shook a fist at Mandark. "Mandark! You _fiend_!"

Dee Dee sucked in her breath. "The Man-Dark General from the Negaverse!" She reassumed her pose. "Hold, evil-doer! No one destroys Dexter's Lab but _me_! In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"

Mandark noticed Dee Dee. His knees grew weak and hearts formed in his eyes. "Sailor Deeeeeeee!!!" He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "So, Sailor-D! You may be Champion of Love and Justice, but you are no match for the power of - MANDARK! Master of Evil and Tyranny! You will not halt my reign of terror! Get her!"

The monster moved to attack, shooting bolts of lightning at the girl.

Dee Dee did a Penche Arabesque as a few bolts passed harmlessly by. From there, she leapt into a Grand Jete as more bolts passed underneath.

Mandark looked on in horror. "No, you fool! Don't hurt her! Just _get_ her!" The hearts were back in his eyes. "Sailor Deeeeee!"

The monster paused at these conflicting orders, unsure how to accomplish them. It uttered a low grunting noise as it scratched its metal head in confusion.

Dee Dee seized the opportunity. She took the tiara from her forehead and spun around. "MOON! TIARA! ACTION!" She released the glowing, rapidly spinning tiara. It shot straight for the monster, giving a metallic clank as it bounced off.

The monster patted itself down, but found no damage.

Dee Dee bit her tongue, thinking as she tapped her chin. "Hmm... AH!" She grabbed Dexter by the back of his lab coat. "MOON! BOUNCER! ACTION!" She heaved her little brother at the monster. Smoke filled the lab as it exploded violently. The smoke cleared to reveal a tattered and blackened Dexter sitting amidst the pieces of his robot.

He sniffled sadly, "My mousebot!"

Mandark drew his cloak around him. "You have won this time, Sailor-D! But I shall return, and then the world shall be _mine_! Ha, Ha Ha! Ha, Ha Ha, Ha Ha!" He leapt into the air, disappearing at the apex of his leap.

Dee Dee bit her tongue, thinking again. "I need to find the other Scouts!"

That's it for chapter 1; see you next time as Sailor-D sets out to find the other Scouts and save the world from the Man-Dark General! 


	2. Send In The Clowns

Dexter's Laboratory is copyright (C)1996 by Hanna-Barbera Productions and Cartoon Network.  
Sailor Moon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko and some other folks such as D.I.C. and Cloverway.

  
jlfenton65@yahoo.com

I don't own Dexter's Laboratory, I didn't make the characters, and I'm not trying to make money on this, so please don't sue me. Ditto for Sailor Moon.

Many thanks to my pre-reader, Ben Oliver.

Author's Notes: This is a typical Dexter's Lab style parody. See chapter one for full rant.

Last time on Dexter's Laboratory, Sailor-D had confronted the Evil Man-Dark General from the Negaverse. Using her super powers, she naturally prevailed. However, the Man-Dark General escaped. What evil does he plan for our heroes? Will Sailor-D find the other scouts? Will Dexter be mortally embarrassed before the end of the chapter? Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter!

Dexter's Laboratory: Sailor Loon

by Joe Fenton

Chapter 2: Send In The Clowns

Dee Dee bit her tongue, thinking again. "I need to find the other Scouts!"

Dexter started pushing her towards the exit. "They are obviously not in here. Go play your little game elsewhere. I have much work to accomplish after the little skirmish you and Mandark precipitated in my laboratory."

Dee Dee stepped to the side, allowing Dexter to fall on his face. "I'll need some help to defeat my evil foe!" She grabbed Dexter, held him high off the ground, and shook him. "Oh, Dexter! You have to help me!"

"E-e-e-e-nough! S-s-s-s-top s-s-s-s-haking m-m-m-m-e!"

Dee Dee dropped him abruptly.

Dexter stood and brushed off his lab coat. "I did what you asked of me. I made you a _stupid_ moon princess. I have no time to participate in your little girly games." He made some shooing gestures. "Go play elsewhere while I attend to the reconstruction of the damaged sections of my laboratory."

Dee Dee turned her nose up as she folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not going _anywhere_ until you agree to help!"

Dexter pulled a remote from his lab coat, aimed it at his sister, and pressed the large, red button on it. A robot grabbed Dee Dee by the collar and dragged her off.

Dexter mopped his brow. "Whew! Now to start the repair droids." He turned around and ran into Dee Dee's legs.

"Pleasssssssse, Dexter? I really need your help!"

Dexter fumed a few moments, then stomped over to a nearby control panel. "_No_!" He pressed a button and a large tube descended from the ceiling over Dee Dee. His sister was sucked up into the tube to be deposited in the living room.

He looked around, expecting to see Dee Dee. After a few moments, he turned back to the control board and entered the sequence to begin activating the repair droids. One rolled to a stop in front of him.

"Why are you not repairing the facilities? There is much work to be done."

It pulled off its faceplate to reveal Dee Dee underneath. "I need to find the other Scouts! You're the only one who can help me!"

Dexter gaped for a long moment, then closed his eyes. He knew he was going to regret this. "I will assist you in your endeavor - _but_ -" he cut off Dee Dee's squeal of delight, "if I am to participate in this farce, I shall choose my own role!" He produced a cape with a flourish and spun once. He was now wearing the cape over an elegant tuxedo. The frames of his eyeglasses had expanded into a makeshift mask. He produced a top hat and set it atop his head.

"Behold! The dashing hero, Tuxedo Glasses!!" He struck a silly pose.

Dee Dee bit her tongue and placed her hand on her chin. "Hmm, I don't know, Dexter. I think I need my trusty advisor, Luna."

Dexter stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Luna? I am afraid I am not familiar with that particular character."

"She's my trusty cat advisor!" Dee Dee struck Dexter atop the head with her moon scepter. In a flash of light, Dexter was dressed in a black ninja outfit, complete with cat ears and a tail.

Dee Dee nodded once. "That's better! Okay Luna, where do we start looking for the Scouts?"

Dexter glowered at the girl. "Don't call me Luna!" He struggled to remove the cat-outfit. "I refuse to be a _stupid_ cat advisor! I am the debonaire hero and will be treated with the appropriate respect or you can find someone else to play your _stupid_ game!"

Dee Dee waited until Dexter had fully extricated himself from the suit, then struck him with the scepter. A glitter of magical sparkles faded leaving him once more clad in the offending suit. "Whatever. So Luna, do you think the other Scouts are nearby?"

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Dexter vented his rage, then took a moment to calm himself. "I can see that I will be incapable of resuming my interrupted schedule until we resolve the current dilemma." He took a deep breath. "Say Dee Dee! I'll bet your little friends Mee Mee and Lee Lee would like to play!"

"_THAT'S IT!_"

The shout knocked Dexter off his feet.

Dee Dee smiled, the grin reaching from ear-to-ear. "They'll know where the other Scouts are!"

Dexter slapped a hand to his face. "Yeah, yeah. Just go!" He stabbed a finger towards the exit, and breathed a sigh of relief when Dee Dee finally zipped off. "_Finally_!" He peeled off the costume, pulled his trusty wrench from his back pocket, and started to work on the lab.

****

Mee Mee and Lee Lee were sprawled in front of the Pony Puff Princess Prancing Pony Parade Park and Pavilion. Dee Dee popped up behind the girls.

"Hi Mee Mee! Hi Lee Lee! You'll never guess what just happened!"

Both girls jumped, then gasped as they took in Dee Dee's outfit.

Mee Mee pointed. "You - you're -"

Dee Dee struck a heroic pose. "Sailor-D! Champion of Love and Justice! In the name of the moon, I will right wrongs and punish evil-doers everywhere!"

Mee Mee and Lee Lee jumped up with arms high, "aaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!! We want to play too!"

Dee Dee thought it over. "Eh - okay!" She shrugged.

The trio flitted on the tips of their toes back into Dee Dee's house.

****

Dexter stared into the ocular image enhancer - again. The adjustments were very delicate. He mumbled under his breath in a tense manner, "gently... this is very _delicate_ and _fragile_... just _one_ more modification and I will _finally_ have my lab back together..."

Dee Dee, Lee Lee, and Mee Mee popped up behind him.

"Hello!"

"Hello!"

"Hello!"

Dexter jumped a foot in the air as the isolinear optic process chip snapped in half. Dexter gave it a sad look. "Why do I even bother..."

He rounded on the girls. "Dee Dee, Mee Mee, Lee Lee!" He pointed to each one in turn. "I have no time for your _stupid_ shenanigans! How am I to finish these delicate repairs while you _stupid_ girls prance around and destroy my laboratory?!"

Mee Mee leaned over, propping herself up on his head. "Yo, Dex-man! Fix us up like Dee Dee here!" She hooked a thumb at where Dee Dee was demonstrating her powers to Lee Lee by destroying a newly repaired bank of database storage units.

Dexter winced in horror as an explosion enveloped the units. He slapped his hands on either side of his face. "My laboratory!"

He tried to charge toward the pair, but found his legs kicking uselessly as Mee Mee hoisted him off the ground.

She looked him in the eyes. "You _know_ what to do if you want us to leave."

Dexter laughed nervously. "Right. Two transformation devices, coming right up." He grumbled as he stomped over to the main computer console. After pushing various buttons for a minute, the matter transduction unit glowed a brilliant white. The light faded and Mee Mee knocked Dexter over as she rushed forward, screaming in delight.

She grabbed one of the rods, then thought a moment. She raised it above her head and yelled, "MARS! PLANET! POWER!"

Mee Mee spun slowly on one leg as a bright light surrounded her. Her leotard changed to white like Dee Dee's, while the tutu formed into red pleats. Red bows grew at the back and neck of the outfit. A red choker with a gold star formed around her neck, and a gold tiara with a red gem formed around her forehead. White, elbow-length gloves trimmed in red at the elbows sprang into being.

Dexter groaned in dismay as the computer again provided the appropriately corny music for the transformation sequence.

Lee Lee jumped up and down. "My turn! My turn!" She grabbed the other transformation rod.

"MERCURY! POWER! MAKEUP!"

A bright light surrounded her as she pirouetted. Again, the leotard changed to white, while her pleated skirt changed to blue. Blue bows formed, along with a blue choker. Blue trimmed white gloves adorned her arms. The tiara held a blue gem this time.

Dexter writhed in agony as yet more corny music blared throughout the lab. "Make it stop! Make it stop!"

Dee Dee and Mee Mee confronted Lee Lee as the sequence ended. "Mercury Power _Makeup_?!"

Lee Lee blushed in embarrassment as she swiveled one foot back and forth on its toes behind her. "It sounded more feminine."

Mee Mee rolled her eyes, then rubbed her hands together. "All right! Time to see what super powers we got!"

Dexter whimpered from where he lay on the floor. "My poor lab!"

Maniacal laughter suddenly rang through the lab. "HA, HA HA! HA, HA HA, HA HA!" Mandark flourished his black cape. "It is I, Mandark!" He brandished a large weapon. "With my _new_ and _improved_ Matter Transmogrifier Gun, I shall make a monster that cannot be stopped! Then I, _Mandark_, Master of _Evil_, shall -"

He broke off as Dexter clung to his leg. "_Please_, Mandark! You must get them to leave my laboratory!"

Mandark shook his leg, trying to extricate it from Dexter's hold. "Let go, fool! No one may touch the grandeur that is Mandark!" He stopped shaking his leg, leaving it stuck straight out from his body as he saw Dee Dee. "Except the perfection of beauty that graces our otherwise black and dismal universe." Hearts swirled around the boy. "Sailor Deeeeeee!"

Dexter let go of Mandark's leg. "Hm, I can see that Mandark, my long-time rival, will be of no help in the extrication of the girls from my laboratory as long as my _stupid_ sister Dee Dee is present. My only hope now is to assist the girls in defeating Mandark and hope they take their silly game elsewhere."

He hopped behind a conveniently placed power conduit. When he sprang back out from behind it, his cape and tuxedo were back.

"It is I! The great Tuxedo Glasses!" He pointed to where Mandark floated in his dreamlike state. "It is time to put out the garbage, and that means you!"

The girls finally noticed the commotion and gasped as they saw their mortal enemy.

"The Man-Dark General from the Negaverse!"

Lee Lee jumped forward. "I'll take care of him!" She spun around and flung out an arm. "MERCURY AQUA BUBBLE!"

A large sphere of water shot towards Mandark, missing the boy and splashing against a row of computer servers. Large arcs of electricity sparked across the racks as the water shorted out the electronics.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! My computers!!" Dexter fell to his knees in horror as rack after rack turned to slag as they shorted out in a flurry of arcs of electricity.

Mee Mee took a step forward. "I'll handle this!" She spun as her arms swung around in a circle. "MARS PLASMA BURST!"

A sphere of ionized air shot from her palms and raced off into the distance, not coming anywhere close to Mandark. The explosions and smoke rising in the distance told everyone the power of the attack.

Mee Mee scratched the back of her head. "Oops!"

Dee Dee raised her moon scepter. "This is a job for Sailor-D!"

She was stopped by a screwdriver embedding itself in the floor by her feet.

"STOP!" Tuxedo Glasses confronted the would-be heroine. "You can't do it, Sailor-D! You know you are too incompetent to confront Mandark! Leave it to someone who knows what he is doing!"

Dee Dee frowned at her brother. A snap of her wrist and the cat costume was back. "Luna! What do we do?! Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars have already failed to stop the Man-Dark General!"

Dexter fumed. "Just toss him in the transporter chamber." He muttered under his breath, "Assuming it is still working." He spun around and shook a fist at his sister. "And don't call me Luna!"

Dee Dee nodded at Mee Mee and Lee Lee. "You heard Luna! We must _drive_ him into the transporter chamber with our attacks!"

Dexter jumped in shock. "That is _not_ what I said!! No!! _Wait_!!"

Lee Lee turned to Mandark. "MERCURY AQUA BUBBLE!" This one struck home, drenching the boy as it knocked him off his feet. It also splashed the Laboratory Laser Lathe controls. The high-powered laser spun completely out of control, the laser beam cutting rows of equipment all around the lab.

One beam shortened Dexter's tail a few inches. "My laser! My laboratory!!" He pulled at his cat ears.

Mee Mee took her turn. "MARS PLASMA BURST!"

The ionized sphere of gas sent the wet boy into convulsions as arcs of electricity danced about his form. It also finished shorting out the laser's control panel. The laser abruptly ceased firing.

Dexter wiped his brow as the laser beam about to bisect him flickered and vanished. "Whew! I can't believe one of the girls actually did something right for a change!"

Dee Dee stepped forward. "Now it's _my_ turn!"

Dexter turned pale. "When will I learn that the fates are not to be tempted in such a flagrant manner?"

Dee Dee pirouetted and then spun her moon scepter through a full circle at arms length. "MOON SCEPTER ELIMINATION!"

Mandark gained consciousness only to see a giant beam of destructive force bearing down on him. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" He teleported out at the last second, not even pausing for a last flippant remark.

The beam continued on to destroy the transporter chamber, the Laser Lathe, the Tridimensional Chess Simulator, and everything else along the path of the beam. Dexter stood transfixed in horror at the destruction wreaked upon his precious lab.

The girls high-fived at their victory.

Dee Dee addressed her pals. "Good going Scouts! We won the battle! Unfortunately, the Man-Dark General escaped! We must increase our vigilance to catch him when he returns. We won't leave this lab until he is no longer a threat to the coming of the Crystal Pony Puff Palace!"

Dexter finally fainted in shock upon hearing his sister's proclamation.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Dexter and Dee Dee's mom frowned at the commotion going on upstairs. She poked her head into the living room and yelled up the stairs, "Dexter! Dee Dee! What is all that noise?!"

Dee Dee poked her head out through the hole in the wall and waved at her. "Hiiiii Mom! Me and Mee Mee and Lee Lee are protecting Dexter's secret laboratory from the Dark Forces of the Negaverse!"

Their mom returned to the kitchen. "That's nice, Dee Dee! Just keep the noise down! Lunch is almost ready."

Dee Dee waved one last time. "Okay Mom! We'll be right down!" She grabbed Dexter by the tail. "Okay, Scouts! It's lunch time!"

Mee Mee and Lee Lee started jumping up and down in glee. "YEA!!" They raced for the exit.

Dee Dee followed rapidly, still dragging Dexter by the tail.

That's it for chapter 2; see you next time as Sailor-D and the Scouts face off one last time with the Man-Dark General! 


	3. Anything Times Zero Is Still Zero

Dexter's Laboratory is copyright (C)1996 by Hanna-Barbera Productions and Cartoon Network.  
Sailor Moon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko and some other folks such as D.I.C. and Cloverway.

  
jlfenton65@yahoo.com

I don't own Dexter's Laboratory, I didn't make the characters, and I'm not trying to make money on this, so please don't sue me. Ditto for Sailor Moon.

Many thanks to my pre-readers, Ben Oliver and Bill Heinemann.

It's time for the final showdown between Good and Evil! Who will survive? Who will show up in another stupid costume? Who will explain the mess to Mom and Dad? All this and more in the dramatic conclusion!

Dexter's Laboratory: Sailor Loon

by Joe Fenton

Chapter 3: Anything Times Zero Is Still Zero

In a dark corner of Dexter's Laboratory, a figure worked on a large shadowy hulk as he muttered to himself.

"It is up to me to protect my precious laboratory. Those _stupid_ girls will just screw things up as usual. But just wait until they behold my greatest invention to date!" He paused to congratulate himself. "With this, I shall be invincible! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He held his hands up like claws as he cackled madly.

****

In a dark corner of Mandark's Laboratory, a figure aimed a large weapon at various items. The view through the scope paused on a ballet slipper, then moved on to a Darby doll, and finally focused on a Pony Puff Party Phonograph. The figure mumbled softly, "Mental note - change code sequences for laboratory access." The gun moved on before stopping on something more suited to the task ahead.

"I never even got the chance to display the power of my _new_ and _improved_ Matter Transmogrifier Gun, all because of that insidious imbecile Dexter. But my superior intelligence shall yet prevail! I shall create my army of dread monsters _here_ then transport them directly to Dexter's Lab! Once I have disposed of my mortal foe, no one will be able to oppose me. I shall rule supreme!" He held his hands up like claws as maniacal laughter rang through the lab. "HA, HA HA! HA, HA HA, HA HA!"

****

In a bedroom illuminated by a soft pink glow, three girls slept on the floor. Mee Mee occupied a Pony Puff sleeping bag situated directly under the unicorn poster. Dee Dee occupied the Darby sleeping bag that lay next to the Darby Townhouse. Lee Lee had the Berry Bears sleeping bag by the pile of baby stuffed animals. All three dreamed of fighting for Love and Justice against the forces of evil. Every once and awhile, one of the girls would giggle softly.

****

In another bedroom, a short black-haired girl slept uneasily. Why did those three girls get to have all the fun? Tomorrow, she'd make her stupid coward of a brother create a transformation pendant for her so she could join the fun. Naturally, hers would be the best. She smiled as her thoughts drifted to the more pleasant fantasy of pounding her worm of a brother.

****

In an imaginary kingdom somewhere, the king confronted one of his more troublesome subjects. "Koosalagoopagoop, what have you got to say for yourself _this_ time?"

Koosalagoopagoop, commonly called Koosie, stared guiltily at the ornate wall behind the king. The picture behind the ruler had a small smudge in one corner. "It's really hardly noticeable. I'm sure the royal artist will have no trouble fixing it."

The king nodded. "Yes, I'm sure he won't. I'm referring to the rest of the castle." He waved his hand around, emphasizing the fact that the wall with the portrait was the only one that remained standing. All the rest lay broken, shattered as support columns had given way. Plaster dust from the collapsed ceiling still hovered over much of the site, waiting for the rising wind to abate the choking clouds. "Well?"

Koosie scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously. "Heh heh heh - oops?"

The king's retainers groaned and covered their faces. Well, the ones that could actually _move_ given their bandages, slings, casts, and crutches. The others just groaned, and not just because of the pain they were in.

The king cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "Koosalagoopagoop, you are hereby banished until such time as you can restore your honor through acts of valor."

Koosie scratched his head. "Huh?"

The king slapped his hand over his face, then stabbed a finger outward. "Get lost! And don't come back until you have defeated some evil monster!"

****

Dexter stood in the middle of his lab, tapping his foot and glaring at nothing in particular. "What is taking them so long? By my calculations, they should have been here eight point three five minutes ago."

Dee Dee popped up behind Dexter. "Hi!"

Mee Mee popped up beside her. "Hi!"

Lee Lee popped up opposite Mee Mee. "Hi!"

Dexter winced and turned reluctantly. "How did you gain entrance to the laboratory without my noticing?"

Dee Dee looked baffled, a familiar expression to Dexter. "What are you talking about? We've been here since breakfast."

Dexter boggled. "That is not possible!" He gestured at a row of cryonic-lacteal synthesizers. "Just observe - not a single unit has been disturbed in any manner!"

Dee Dee snapped her fingers. "I _knew_ we forgot something!" She held aloft her transformation rod. "All right Scouts, we have prepare for the arrival of the Man-Dark General!"

The other girls squealed in delight, then held up their own transformation rods.

Dexter pulled out a pair of ear attenuators and placed them on his head. There was no way he would be subjected to the transformation background music again. He waited until the light died before cautiously lifting one side.

Dee Dee pulled the attenuators from his head. "All right Dexter. You need to keep out of our way while we fight the evil forces of the Negaverse. But first, we need to practice!" She turned to the row of synthesizers and pointed her scepter. "MOON SCEPTER ELIMINATION!" The blast took out half of the units. "Okay Sailor Mercury! Your turn!"

Lee Lee gave an ear-to-ear smile. "I have a _new_ attack! Watch _this_!" She spun around and swung her arms in an arc from waist to head. "MERCURY GEYSER ERUPTION!" Several columns of water blasted forth from beneath some of the remaining synthesizers, tearing through the metal like paper.

Dee Dee hopped up and down. "Wow! That was _great_ Sailor Mercury!"

Mee Mee looked at Dexter curiously. "Say, Dexter. Not that I care or nothing, but shouldn't you be running around screaming about us destroying your lab about now?"

Dexter smirked and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Once again, you underestimate the brilliance that is Dexter, Boy Genius. That is a fabricated facsimile whose sole purpose is to provide a distraction to prevent the destruction of my more _sensitive_ instrumentation."

Mee Mee pointed over his shoulder. "Then I guess you didn't want us messing around over there."

Dexter glanced over his shoulder. Yet more geysers were erupting from random locations around the lab, destroying anything at the point of eruption. He whimpered as vital scanners and data acquisition units were reduced to so much scrap metal. "My precious inventions..."

Dee Dee picked up Dexter and set him to the side. "Come on Sailor Mars! Let's see your new attack!"

Mee Mee smiled wickedly. "Girl, you ain't see _nothing_ yet!" She raised both hands high, then twirled and knelt, slamming her fists to the floor. "MARS LIGHTNING TEMPEST!"

Everyone slapped their hands over their ears as the air was rent by the shear number of lightning bolts discharging around them. Anything left standing by Dee Dee's and Lee Lee's attack turned to slag almost instantly. The girls stood staring in awe at the aftermath, then joined hands and danced around.

"YAAAAAY!!"

"That was so cool!!"

Lee Lee suddenly stopped, a perplexed look on her face. "Hey! Wasn't it Sailor Jupiter that used electric attacks?"

The other two girls stopped in shock.

"You're right!" Dee Dee bit her tongue as she concentrated. "What are we going to do?"

Lee Lee tilted her head to the side. "Couldn't we just call her Sailor Jupiter?"

Mee Mee shook her head. "No way! I want a _new_ name." A look of inspiration came over her and she struck a pose. "From now on, call me _Sailor-P_!"

Her friends looked puzzled. "Huh?"

Mee Mee looked nonplussed. "Sailor-P? 'P' as in Pony Puff Princess?"

Lee Lee looked upset. "_I_ wanna be Sailor Pony Puff!"

Dee Dee jumped up and down. "No! Me! I'm gonna be Sailor-P!"

Mee Mee and Lee Lee rounded on her. "_You're already Sailor-D_!"

Dexter ignored the squabbling girls. "Just you wait. I, Dexter, Boy Genius, will not be outdone by a bunch of girls!"

The girls stopped their argument as a brilliant glare forced everyone to cover their eyes. When they could see again, Mandark stood in their midst, surrounded by a group of - _things_.

Mandark waited until he had their attention. "So, you pitiful fools thought you had seen the last of Mandark! This time, I came prepared! Behold! My evil creations will boggle your weak little intellects and shrivel your souls!"

He gestured to the first creature. "Behold! Terrortron!" The creature raised its arms and roared. It might have originally been a lawn mower. Now, it was a monster of fierce proportions with rotating blades at the end of its arms. The blades started to spin, picking up speed until their were just a blur. It crouched in an aggressive stance, ready to pounce.

Mandark gestured to the next. "Destructor!" The creature reared back, its bellow deafening everyone. This one appeared to be a mutated blender. As it bellowed, the grinding blades became visible in it's throat. It crossed its pincher shaped claws as it readied its own charge.

Mandark waved at the last. "And finally, er - uh - Twinkle."

Everyone stared at the last creature. From the cheerful blinking light in its nose to the hearts on its body, it was _not_ a monster to inspire fear.

Dexter finally found his voice. "Uh, Mandark. That last creature - it would not happen to have been a night-light, would it?"

Mandark fumed. "Oh shut up! Mom wouldn't let me transform anything better after she saw what happened to her blender." He turned to the monsters. "What are you waiting for?!" He spun, his cape billowing behind him as he turned and flung out an arm. "GO! And _destroy_ Dexter's Lab!"

The monsters all roared and took a step forward. They stopped and looked around. There wasn't anything even remotely close that wasn't already blasted into small pieces. Twinkle tapped Mandark on the shoulder.

Mandark looked up at it in irritation. "What?!"

It hooked a thumb over its shoulder.

Mandark took a look around, finally noticing the destruction. "Ah! Good work!" He turned on Dexter. "So, Dexter. Now you see the folly of going up against the Genius that is MANDARK! HA, HA HA! HA, HA HA, HA HA!"

Dexter pressed the button on his belt buckle. "Ha! It just so happens I am prepared for you this time, Mandark!" He jumped backwards as the Dexbot appeared behind him, landing on the outstretched hand. "Behold! My greatest invention to date! Mecha Tuxedo Glasses!" The Dexbot and been outfitted with a cane, cape, and top hat, and painted to resemble a black tuxedo. The optical sensor arrays had been enlarged to resemble the mask Tuxedo Glasses normally wore. They glowed briefly as Dexter entered and activated the systems.

Mandark looked less than impressed. He yawned, covering his mouth with a hand. "Ho, hum. And I suppose it throws roses, too."

Dexter's amplified, digitally-filtered voice emanated from a speaker in the robot's head. "In a way - it fires R.O.S.E.S.!" The end of the cane lifted from the floor and pointed towards Twinkle. A massive flash blinded everyone and Twinkle disappeared in a sphere of actinic fire. Dexter waited for the sonic shockwave to dissipate enough for him to be heard once more. "Really Overpowered Strategic Energy Spheres!"

Mandark clapped his hands to the sides of his face. "TWINKLE!!" He shook his fist at Mecha Tuxedo Glasses. "You'll pay for that, Dexter!" He glared at the other two monsters. "Get him!"

The girls watched wide-eyed at the destruction unleashed as Mecha Tuxedo Glasses fought Terrortron and Destructor.

"Oooooooooooooo!"

"Awwwwwwwwe!

Dee Dee shook her head. "We have to put a stop to the Man-Dark General and his evil minions!"

A voice behind them caused them to turn.

"Not so fast, Sailor-D!" Lala Baba stood with her hands on her hips. The diminutive girl wore a - er - _relatively_ long gown of blue, a back tiara, and held a long staff surmounted by a large black gem.

The girls gasped. "It's the Evil Queen Baba!"

Dee Dee shook her fist at the tiny girl. "We will put an end to your reign of evil!"

Lee Lee shook her fist. "Yeah! And your bad fashion sense!"

Dee Dee and Mee Mee stared at their friend a moment.

Dee Dee resumed her interrupted speech. "We are the Sailor Scouts! Guardians and Love and Justice!"

Lala Baba sneered. "Your power is no match for me!" She raised the staff high. A vortex of energy formed overhead, and a wide beam of energy shot from the center. The girls were tossed across the lab by the explosion. Mecha Tuxedo Glasses took a glancing hit and lost an arm as it was blasted off its feet. Destructor disappeared in the beam, consumed completely.

Mandark glared at his sister. "Hey! That was Mom's blender! I'm responsible for that!"

The beam continued to the side of the lab, then blasted through the wall to vaporize much of the living room. It tore through the outside wall and moved out into the street where a few cars parked along the curb melted into slag. It doubled back through the yard before fading to nothing outside the kitchen.

Dexter and Dee Dee's mom frowned at the distraction. She poked her head out of the kitchen to yell upstairs, "You kids play nice or you'll have to go home!"

Dee Dee stood on wobbly feet. She took a moment to poke her head through the wall to look into the living room. "Okay Mom!" She turned her attention back to the fight. "It _our_ turn now!" She spun her scepter. "MOON SCEPTER ELIMINATION!"

Lala Baba countered the blast with a blast of her own. The beams met and deflected upwards. The combined beams blasted through the ceiling, then continued out into space before finally splitting the moon in two.

A recently recovered Dexter stared in horror, then glared in anger at the girls. "_Hey_, Hey! Do you have _any_ idea how much work it was to get the moon back into its proper place?!" He muttered to himself as he tried to forget what a bad day for science that had been. "_Stupid_ girls... _stupid_ astrology..." Now he'd be up all night replacing the moon - _again_.

Lee Lee stepped forward. "I'll deal with Queen Baba!" She twirled daintily, her arms swung in an arc from waist to head. "MERCURY GEYSER ERUPTION!"

Not a single column of water erupted anywhere close to their enemy. Several _did_ erupt underneath Dexter's stricken mecha, knocking the boy senseless once more.

Mee Mee struck a pose. "It's up to me now!" She raised both hands high, then twirled and knelt, slamming her fists to the floor. "PONY PUFF LIGHTNING TEMPEST!"

Bolts of lightning discharged all around the short figure, but again failed to connect. The electricity raced through the water left by Lee Lee's attack to completely short out Mecha Tuxedo Glasses. It lay smoldering, little arcs of electricity from the numerous short circuits racing across its surface.

It was evident that they couldn't take Lala Baba on their own. "We need more help!" Dee Dee closed her hands around her scepter. "Come forth Sailor Mini-Moon!"

A large form gradually solidified next to her. "Heh-huh-he. Hey Dee Dee! It's me, Koosie!"

"KOOSIE!" Dee Dee flung herself into his arms for a hug.

Koosie noticed the frilly blue mini-skirt stretched around his large form. "Uh, Dee Dee? What's this?"

Dee Dee looked upset. "We were playing Sailor Moon, and then that stupid Mandark appeared with his stupid monsters, and then his stupid sister appeared and wouldn't play fair and lose like in the show, and so I called you to help us fight the evil forces of the Negaverse!!"

Koosie looked puzzled as he tried to follow the conversation. As he finally worked through it, he became nervous. "Fight? Well, I, uh, that is..."

Mee Mee and Lee Lee moved to either side of him, pinning him in place.

"You have to help us!"

"Yeah, Sailor Mini-Moon! Just use your power and attack!"

Koosie gave Dee Dee a confused look. "I have powers?"

Dee Dee nodded enthusiastically. "Just aim at the bad-guys and say what comes to mind!"

Koosie didn't share that enthusiasm. "If you say so." He turned toward Lala Baba and the remaining monster. "SUGARY PINK HEART KOOSIE MINI-MOON-BEAM!" The large heart on his chest started to glow and a pink heart-shaped beam shot forth. It was surprisingly strong. It was also aimed the wrong way. Mecha Tuxedo Glasses was hit dead-on by the beam and blasted against the far wall. From the looks of it, Mecha Tuxedo Glasses was out of the fight for good.

Koosie put his hand behind his head. "Oops! Sorry about that!"

Lala Baba laughed in evil mirth. "You will fall before me, Sailor Scouts! Your power is _nothing_ compared to mine!"

Dee Dee looked distraught. "She's right. We can't fight her."

Koosie took Dee Dee by the shoulders. "No! You mustn't give up, Dee Dee! Good will always win over evil! You just have to believe in yourself!" He pulled her into a big hug as the heart on his chest glowed.

Dee Dee sniffled, then smiled. "You're right! Come on, Scouts! We have to combine our powers!"

The girls gathered around Dee Dee and Koosie as they all grabbed a hold of Dee Dee's scepter.

Dee Dee nodded once. "Now, use your imagination. We must use the power of our belief to beat the evil Queen of the Negaverse!"

A glow formed around the the Sailor Scouts. Lala Baba noticed and called again on the vortex of evil energy. The beam engulfed the group, but dissipated as the rising glow overpowered it.

Dee Dee, Mee Mee, Lee Lee, and Koosie all yelled as one. "PLANET PRETEND POWER!!"

The beam emanating from the scepter swept up Lala Baba, Mandark, and Terrortron. They were flung bodily through the wall of the lab and out towards the horizon... along with much of the debris from the laboratory, the neighbor's cars, Huber Elementary School, the local bridge, and three skyscrapers. As it all disappeared into the distance, the girls flung up their hands.

"We did it!!"

"We won!!"

"We defeated the dark forces of the Negaverse!"

Dee Dee hugged Koosie. "And we owe it all to Koosie! You're a hero!"

Koosie looked shocked. "I am?" He started to grin. "Of course I am! Now I can go back!" He hugged Dee Dee back. "Oh, thank you Dee Dee! Because of you, I can return home." He started to fade. "Remember, never doubt the power of your imagination."

The girls waved as Koosie faded from sight. "Good-bye Koosie!"

Dexter dragged himself from the remains of his Dexbot. "What - what occurred in this vicinity while I was incapacitated?"

Dee Dee gave him a slap on the back, sending him sprawling. "It's okay now, Dexter. We've defeated the forces of the Negaverse. Your lab is safe!"

The girls turned as one and left the laboratory, flitting on their tiptoes - through the massive hole in the wall.

Dexter turned slowly. As far as the eye could see, not a single piece of the lab had survived the combined battles that had taken place. His cheek twitched a couple times before he finally broke out crying.

"WAAAAAHEHEHEHEHEHEHE."

Thus ends another tale of Dexter's Laboratory. I really appreciate all the nice comments. It appears that most people think I've done a pretty good job capturing the spirit of Dexter's Lab. It is my whole goal - to make a story that you can actually imagine as an episode on TV. Dexter and friends _will_ return...

Author's notes: I made a funny slip on the first draft of this chapter that Ben picked up. He wrote the following in reply; it was so cute, I had to include it here. Enjoy!

Ranma fumed. "Just you wait. I, Dexter, Boy Genius, will not be outdone  
by a bunch of girls!"

*CROSSOVER ALERT!!!*CROSSOVER ALERT!!* Freudian slip. We've secretly  
replaced TV's Dexter with Anime's Ranma. Let's see if anyone notices the  
difference.

Ranma(to Dee-Dee): Quit messin' up my lab, you uncute tomboy!

Dee-Dee(ballet-dancing, giggling): Dexter... no... baka! (breaks a  
sample container full of cold water over Ranma's head) Oooooh! Time  
to play dress-up now!

Ranma gets dragged off to Dee-Dee's dreaded, cootie-bug-filled room  
and is forced to participate in a fashion show with Mee Mee and Lee Lee  
as judges. "No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  



End file.
